Have you ever been so full of love that you feel like your heart my actually burst if you just add one more drop? Well, I have. I feel like that now. I felt like that yesterday. And I'll probably keep feeling like for a little time yet.
All week long, we've been purposefully spending precious time with friends and family. We've already had to say some "til next time's" {since I don't believe in goodbye's}. Each and every one has taken a piece of my heart with them.
I've shed my share of tears, and I know it's only the first of many. They are the bittersweet tears of joy, sorrow, excitement, and heartbreak. It's cruel how you can feel so many conflicting emotions all at once. All of them good. All of them normal. All of them from God. All of them beautiful.
Wouldn't it be awful if saying "til next time" was easy? Imagine not having to go through the pain of heartache, and the wonder of not knowing the next time you might see the person you love? In the moment, of course, that sounds wonderful. When your heart is so full you think that everyone must be able to see it throbbing, and feel the tightness that squeezes you from all sides, when you feel like you can't stand it anymore... it's easy to think that life would be better if saying goodbye was less painful.
But without the pain, there would be no joy. Without that heartache, there would be no rejoicing. They're partners, hand in hand; and you can't have one without the other.
And you know what? I don't want goodbyes to be easier. I don't want one without the other. I don't want them to hurt less.
Isn't it beautiful that we can feel? That our hearts can be so full, so conflicted, and so... felt. When God created man, He created us in His image. With His love and joy and sorrow and heartache and kindness and willingness and and hope and strength and hurt and excitement and peace and anger and awe and the whole range of emotions.
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| Doctor Who, via Pinterest. |
If goodbyes were easier, we wouldn't bother saying them. They wouldn't hurt, so they wouldn't be special, right? You wouldn't make sure you get that extra hug. You wouldn't make sure you tell them you love them one more time. You wouldn't look them in the eye and tell them thank you.
If goodbyes were easier, then you wouldn't be excited when you get to see them again. You wouldn't feel that joy at seeing their name pop up on Skype, or hearing your phone buzz with a text from them. You wouldn't rejoice at the new things in their life and yours, and the excitement of sharing that with each other. And you wouldn't rejoice when they come back, even though you know they might have to leave again.
I know that things will get harder before they get better. I also know that it's part of this new life we're stepping into. Like anything, there are highs and there are lows. But I also know, that God is in the midst of this; He's gone before us, He's going with us, and He's coming behind us. What strength that is!
So it hurts now, but it's the good kind of hurt that lets you know you're alive. The kind that reminds you of how beautiful life is, even when something really good but also kind of unpleasant happens. There is hope that grows out of that hurt, which lays the foundation for more love, new experiences, and a deeper sense of God's grace, love, joy, beauty, and ultimately... a greater appreciation for the beauty that is life.
Take heart, dear one!
Labels: florida, missionary life, thoughts, travel
